Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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