I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I faked an abortion last night.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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