oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
