Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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