he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
