Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
