I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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