I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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