So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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