If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
