i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
