I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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