Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
