i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
that's an acceptable place to lick
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Randomize
