I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize
