so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
