Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
