Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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