I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
I love black thongs
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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