Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
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