When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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