That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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