Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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