Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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