Kiss
Puke
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
