when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
