He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
