Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
