RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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