is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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