some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
