Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
