My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
