i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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