Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
