I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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