I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
