My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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