Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Holy shit dude........stairs
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