I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
