yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
