i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
