just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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