i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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