Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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