If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
tonight lets celebrate not being married
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
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