I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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