i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
