Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Randomize
