Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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