And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
